stressed but not depressed

I'm sitting in the food court at uni at the moment and I'm bored as fuck. I don't know why I decided to come so early. I've studied as much as I can and I've gone through the content at least 10 times. I feel ready but at the same time I don't know what I don't know. Oh well. I've already had a mini meat box for breakfast (or brunch because I don't usually eat breakfast) and I've had a bit of coke and now I'm having a caramel latte. My tummy's starting to feel a bit funky but hopefully this feeling disappears soon. I'm also listening to Krewella and Sticky Fingers to make me feel happy.

I've probably said this at least 83 times (no exaggeration) already but I can't wait for the break. I can't wait to be free and do whatever I want. I've compiled a list of places to see, things to do and restaurants to try (which I'll post after my last exam to mark the beginning of break). Very much excite!

drugs are fun

Yesterday I skipped my morning lecture because morning lectures just aren't for me... but had to go to uni for my 4 hour pharmacology lab. By the time I got to the entrance of uni from Redfern station I was hungry and sweating a great deal (so unfit) so I went and bought a toasted banana bread and lime flavoured water. No ragrets. I had 20ish minutes to spare so I chilled in the shade in front of this oval with my food. 

After weeks of having labs in the newest building in Uni, I'm still not used to how advanced all the technology and equipment are. But anyway, lab went okay. We were 'finding the unknown' today and my oh my, it was so repetitive. We basically spent 4 hours pipetting diluted solutions into an organ bath containing a guinea pig ileum to watch it contract (basically playing around with drugs for those of you who don't do science). At the end of lab, we were expected to be able to determine which unknown solution was which drug. Since lab was so long and tedious, my group made a bet to see who can guess the drugs right. Instead of betting with money, we decided to bet facebook statuses i.e whoever wins gets to come up with an embarrassing status for the other two. However, we all lost LOL.

A half eaten banana bread placed in front of my other belongings placed in front of the sports oval in effort to make it look like I was having a cool relaxing lunch.

please come back

Today has got to be one of my most unproductive days ever. I promised myself yesterday that I would catch up on missed lectures and finish my pharmacology report that's due on Tuesday but to no one's surprise, I completed nothing. I spent the majority of the day on my report since that was my priority at the moment but when I tried writing anything, I was faced with one of two extremes: mind blank or information overload. This really depresses me because I was so determined to get it done that I postponed a dinner date. But whatever, I still have 2 hours before the night ends!

On another note, I can't believe that it's Week 4 at Uni already. I'm really happy about that. I just want to get this semester over and done with. Up until now, I haven't been able to let go of the Summer holidays.. which is why I've been going out weekly. If I didn't, I'd be stuck at home and forced to face reality.

falling behind

I feel like I should be stressed but I'm not. I'm aware of how much work I have to do to keep up with uni this semester but I'm just so relaxed. I get little bursts of 'I need to be on top of this work load' but then that disappears and I just do what I need to get by. It's like my brain knows I have to work to complete but my heart is just elsewhere wanting to go out all the time.

Also, is it bad that I dread and sometimes skip my lectures just because the building they're in is located too far away (for me)?

Yes.

Not Looking Forward

Just thinking of uni makes me depressed. I'm gonna miss the freedom and the going-out-whenever-I-wanted moments that I had this holidays. What sucks more is that I barely see anyone I know at my uni and that makes me feel pretty lonely sometimes. I think the only thing that will get me through this year is the fact that Summer holidays are waiting at the end of it.

I'm making a promise to myself that I'll study more and attend my lectures more this semester but to be honest, I don't really see that happening. My timetable this semester requires me to go 4 days but the fourth day consists of only one lecture. Do I really want to travel 2 hours in total just for that one lecture? Not really.

Sigh

Failure to Change

This year, I've come to realise how less I care for my study. The course I'm doing right now doesn't even interest me. But then again, no other course sounds appealing to me. I'm basically cruising through uni with the mindset that I'll miraculously land a well-paying job that I'll enjoy.

The fact that I barely managed to scrape a pass in some subjects this semester acts as a wake-up call for me. I've never felt so lucky in my life in obtaining a 50 in anything. I should really stop relying on luck and actually change my attitude towards studying. It doesn't help that I skip so many lectures either. It's a bad habit.

I keep telling myself I'll change but change is hard.